everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
