it hurts more in the daytime
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
