I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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