I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
