he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
