Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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