just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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