OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
