I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
