Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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