I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
