We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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