so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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