you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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