Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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