what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
