i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
