Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
