Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Boobs speak an international language.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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