do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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