I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
