I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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