dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
