do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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