Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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