like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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