Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
