I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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