We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
