I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Shame is for Republicans.
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