Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i think im in europe. pls send help
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
