omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
