i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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