8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
