i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we're so committed to being not committed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
