I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
