at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
