just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
