I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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