I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
