You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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