I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize