i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
