They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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