The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
