Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
