thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
