We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
