Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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