Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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