Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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