nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong