Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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(559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b

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(815): View more from Illinois

escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

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(815): escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see! http://tfl.nu/96ew

Replies (64) Good night (1048) Bad night (2043)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

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(609): I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk. http://tfl.nu/79zz

Replies (70) Good night (5610) Bad night (680)
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(310): View more from California

Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

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(310): Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though. http://tfl.nu/8195

Replies (21) Good night (7767) Bad night (1104)
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(510): View more from California

EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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(510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b

Replies (22) Good night (1720) Bad night (5900)
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(440): View more from Ohio

The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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(440): The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night. http://tfl.nu/gsoj

Replies (8) Good night (2889) Bad night (886)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.

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(651): Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me. http://tfl.nu/26ae

Replies (7) Good night (3320) Bad night (872)
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(972): View more from Texas

Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.

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(972): Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life. http://tfl.nu/6m4u

Replies (11) Good night (2352) Bad night (712)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

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(412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme

Replies (6) Good night (747) Bad night (1570)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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(780): No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace http://tfl.nu/va4a

Replies (8) Good night (1762) Bad night (568)
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(631): View more from New York

The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.

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(631): The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute. http://tfl.nu/4jz7

Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (856)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her

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(802): I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her http://tfl.nu/tidk

Replies (7) Good night (1411) Bad night (434)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world

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(416): Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world http://tfl.nu/enih

Replies (10) Good night (420) Bad night (747)
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(912): View more from Georgia

I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not

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(912): I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not http://tfl.nu/o8dj

Replies (5) Good night (481) Bad night (239)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?

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(515): I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life? http://tfl.nu/joka

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