I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
