your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.