Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability