he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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