so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
