No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
