Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
