It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
