I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How external is "for external use only"?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
