worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
