Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
