my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
