Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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