Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
