what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
