i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
