I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
