theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
