Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
