Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
