on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
